What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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