The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
