what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
