You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
