he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
