Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize