i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
