so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
