please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
