Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
