shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize