I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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