Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it wasn't lemon gatorade
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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