just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
