i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
