i barfeds in our rink
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
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