Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
