I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
