Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
