I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I look better un-naked...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize