Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
