took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize