she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
