So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
