Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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