you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
