Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Fuck appropriateness.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
