she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
if only i could text you this smell
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
