you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
