it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
