he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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