btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
