we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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