at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
