This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
