I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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