The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
