so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
