I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Randomize
