From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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