If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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