I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
