I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
