he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
