now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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