Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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