I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
