the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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