thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize