You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
