I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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