so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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