When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
