I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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