You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
