Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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