The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
