Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
