Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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