dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
