I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize