I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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